My "Dear John" letter to Wilson

Dear Wilson,

This is a hard letter to write, particularly after all we've been through together -- traveling the world,  climbing hills and mountains, sharing the same condo -- I've never had a relationship quite like this  one.

But the time has come for me to move on. Well, sort of. I mean, I'm not really moving on, because you will always have a place in my heart. But at this point, it's not the major place.

I've found someone else.

This may be difficult for you to bear, up there on cold, blowy and snowy Mount Adams, alone. You may feel forgotten. But you're not. Really. I think of you often, and I tell your story every time I tell folks about One World Futbols.

Was it the Trevi Fountain?

But two weeks in Rome changed everything. I had 24 futbols to distribute, most going to the Baobab refugee center. But as I cast my eyes over them, one caught my attention. I don't know why it happened. Maybe it was because of all those coins I threw in the Trevi Fountain. But for whatever reason, as they say, the rest is history. Better that you know right away. Anything else would be deception, and we've gone too far together for that.

Blue, the new One World Futbol in my life, wasted no time getting comfortable in my condo. They snuggles into a heritage mahogany rocker with  my son's  toddler OshKosh Overalls (stuffed and pillowized) and his Teddy Bear (which is wearing my Cub Scout scarf. That's an Amish pillow behind them.

I want to tell you about the new futbol in my life.  You'd like them. Their name is "Blue."

Oh, you'll remember that "they" is the new third person non specific singular word that keeps us from being sexually discriminatory in language. When I talked about you, I used "they." It took some getting used to, but I get it right most of the time. Same thing for Blue.

 So Blue is my new traveling companion, housemate and goodwill ambassador for One World Futbols. They likes the same see-through net tether that you felt so comfortable in. It's almost like having you here, only it's Blue, instead. Sometimes when I wake up in bed and feel Blue, it gives me a start because I think you've come back down off the mountain. Being with Blue is like having you here. Uh, that's a compliment.

Not a case of promiscuity

There will never be another Wilson. You should know that. And you should know that I will always have a place in my heart for you, even with my new companion.

You see, people sometimes think male hominids are promiscuous. But that's not quite true. A man can love more than one One World Futbol at a time. He just can't address the needs of more than one at a time, which helps to explain monofutbolamy -- the "one man, one futbol" relationships which seem to be the norm. So I'm committed to Blue.

I think it's because I'm human that I'm trying to be gentle here, because I naturally empathize with you, even though you're a ball. I think a psychologist would call that "projection," or something like that. The reality is that you don't have a heart to break and you can get punctured 1000 times and not deflate. You'll be fine.

And just to be clear, you'll always be a part of me. As my sainted wife used to say, relationships don't end, they just change. I'll still be writing to you as more and more balls get distributed. But now it will be me and Blue writing. Oh, by the way, Blue isn't jealous. They loves you too -- uh, as a cousin.

Love,
Robert
And Blue